9 yr old throws holiday party! Are you crazy?

Dec 15, 2010

If you're looking to do something unique and fun with your girls this holiday, have them design, host and plan their very first holiday gathering. Give them a budget!

By doing this, not only will your girls feel independent, but they will also learn some valuable lessons in a fun way:

Time management: Planning an event can be stressful when you start to plan activities, coordinate friends, and find venues etc. This is a great opportunity for your daughter to learn this skill- in a fun way and what seems like on her own terms!

Money management: Giving her a budget teaches her how to manage money and also gives her the freedom to be creative and learn boundaries. Give her cash and let her know that's the budget she has, so use it wisely!

Creativity: This is a great way to get the creative juices flowing! She can plan what kind of holiday theme she wants. And most likely she will pull in her closest buds to help.

Leadership and team building: In planning a party, we always seek out our closest friends and contacts for help. This is a great opportunity for your daughter to do the same! But in doing this she also learns how to LEAD this group... this is priceless!

So do something different this year and give your daughter the gift of confidence, creativity, leadership, time management and money management!

Happy and safe holidays to you all.

What is Inspiration?

Nov 17, 2010

I was recently asked a question that got me thinking... What is Inspiration?

Well when you try to break it down, you realize just how big this question is. Scholars, religion, philosophers, parents, kids, teachers, everyone for that matter has a different definition of inspiration depending on what it means to them.

The dictionary defines it as "Stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity." A very interesting but broad interpretation - is that all there is to it?

Why do some become more inspired than others? Why do some act on their inspiration and some don't? Could it be as simple as taking a moment to realize you've been inspired?

Take this situation for example: A few months back I was in line at Starbucks, and in front of me was a gentleman and his wife. He began to order, and at the end of his order he said "And add whatever she is having to my tab as well" he was gesturing to me.

WHAT? That's crazy I thought. Wow! I smiled and was very thankful - it put a smile on my face and brightened my entire day.

I could have just held on to that feeling I had and moved on, but I didn't. The next week I found myself back in Starbucks, but this time I felt inspired... inspired to pass that feeling I had the week before on to someone else hoping it might make them feel the same way. So I proceeded to order and at the end of my order I said "And I'll pay for whatever she is having" and I gestured to the woman behind me.

Her face lit up and she smiled. Was she inspired, will she pass it on? I don't know, but at least I was able to stop and recognize an inspiring situation and ACT on it. If I had been too consumed with other things in my life like work, school, etc and not been in the "Starbucks moment" the week before would I have had the same experience?

Maybe not.

So to answer the question What is Inspiration? Well to me it is the ability to recognize it in all things, take it in, act on it, and try to inspire others to do the same. I guess there is no hard definition to inspiration because it lies in the eyes of the beholder. But only if your eyes are open and you are ready to see it.

Scan with a Plan...

Oct 21, 2010

I wrote a blog post a few months back about stranger safety, and one of the tools I teach to both girls and women of all ages is how to "scan with a plan".

Scan with a Plan arose from teaching hundreds of self defense classes over a 16 year period, and helps teach us how to be more aware. Here is a classic example:

When you go outside during the day or at night do you take the time to look around and assess your surroundings before you jump into your daily routine?

Be honest.

I can't tell you how many girls I see leaving a store or their homes or even on a walk and they are texting or listing to their ipod. It happens ALL the time. That is never safe. Let me say that again... IT IS NEVER SAFE.

Now there is a difference between being paranoid and Polly Anna. There is no need to walk around feeling scared, but there is a need to walk around being aware. So how exactly do you do that?

Well... here are some great tips:

1. When you go outside take your surroundings in "pie clicks". When you scan your surroundings you should be taking a slice of the environment and then moving to the next small slice. If you just go outside and look left to right and glance around, the only thing you'll notice is a BIG ELEPHANT! It's next to impossible to detect something subtle this way. So take your environment in pie clicks or slices. When analyzing your first slice start from left to right and then within that slice look high, look low, look near and look far. Then move on to the next slice. Once you've gone completely from left to right, start over again.

2. Look for things that don't belong. It sounds simple, but its not. It's a learned skill. For example, an attacker isn't most likely going to be standing outside with a big flashing sign that says I'm coming to attack you.... right? So why would we classify what we look for in that way? Instead of JUST looking for "full" people, we search in body parts as well. A sly attacker will try to hide himself (perhaps you'll see a shoe behind a tire, or a shadow, or a finger etc.) so be on the look out for the little stuff too!

3. Listen to your 2nd Brain! Yep you heard right... you have 2 brains! One that is very old and one that is fairly new. One is INSTINCT and the other is our ability to rationalize, communicate, educate and think. Your older brain feels more like a built in alarm system and IS NOT RATIONAL! For example: Have you ever felt the hair on the back of your neck stand up? Or felt your palms start to sweat? Or even felt nervous knots in your belly? That is your 2nd brain talking! When you are in an environment where you do not feel 100% safe, listen to this 2nd brain... ALWAYS, because we have a nasty habit of letting our cognitive brain talk us out of feeling the warning signs our instinct sends.

So when you feel your 2nd brain alarm blaring... what do you do? remove yourself IMMEDIATELY from the situation no matter what, even if you have to run... no negotiating and no rationalizing.

When we interview women who are attacked, 99% of them felt their 2nd Brain alarm go off, and they didn't listen to it.

You can find more information in the GirlSpire workbook, and the full program covers safety more in depth.

History 101

Oct 12, 2010

Have you ever noticed that in history class, we rarely ever learn about women’s history? Sure we hear about Paul Revere and George Washington, but what about Eleanor Roosevelt?

Why is that? We learn all about the men who influenced how we live today.. but how come we got left out?

That’s soooo not fair!

What we teach our daughters matters! We must teach them that they are in control of their own destiny!

So if they come home from school and something in class doesn't sit well with them, then show them how to SPEAK UP! It's up to us to say "You can make a difference, and all you need to do is take control and make it happen."

Back to history...
When it comes to the lack of women’s history... I bet you’re thinking what can I do? Tell your girls to start by saying what they feel... teach them to SHOUT IT OUT. Or in this particular case...WRITE IT OUT!!!

A great way for girls to get their thoughts across on the matter?...Write a letter!

1. Have them write one to their teacher
2. To their principle
3. To the school board (this requires a bit of research)
4. AND...have them send this same letter to the publisher & author of their history book.

I give a great example of a form letter in the GirlSpire workbook that all girls can follow. The main message here is that we must empower our girls... and teach them that they CAN make a difference no matter what their age.

Why are kids so mean to each other?

Sep 18, 2010

This is a question I have asked myself since the 3rd grade. I began to notice being picked on was like a game... and everyone wanted to play. The only problem was that the game was called who can make Teresa cry.

What makes kids this way? I think it has something to do with the way they are raised, the way they communicate and how they interact with others at a very young age. Having said that... I'm not insinuating that kids who pick on others have bad parents, more so I'm saying there is a communication breakdown.

For instance, my son has had friends in school make him cry and say mean things, yet he has learned to be gentle and kind. He has a gentle soul, loves animals, plants, bugs and the "water ball" (which we call earth). To him - you treat the things you love with respect, and he is only 4!

So why is this?
Call us hippies, but we have always believed in treating all living things with love, respect and caution. So naturally we pass this on to our kids. Not just through demonstration but through long talks, examples, explanations and when he does pick up something mean from others and repeats it, we teach him right there on the spot that we don't treat others that way!

Consistency is key.
If I had had a dollar for every time I've said things like, be gentle, that's not how we talk to each other, say please and thank you, how does that make you feel, how do you think he/she feels, etc. etc. I would be a billionaire 10 times over. Some days are harder than others and sometimes I feel like I should let somethings slide...but consistency is key! Kids learn through repetition, and that includes how to treat others. So don't ignore the "you're not my friend anymore" comments - it's not an age thing and it's not "a normal thing that passes on its own" you have to nip that in the bud!

I can only hope that my kids will treat others how they want to be treated, and so far they've been great... but it IS AN UPHILL BATTLE that you have to be prepared to fight every step of the way.

Now all we have to do is teach our kids how to respond to those other kids who are mean, and that is an entirely different blog post :)

5 Ways to Sneak Fitness into Family Time

Aug 3, 2010

By Suzy Buglewicz

After spending several hours a day at a desk job or sitting in traffic while shuttling over scheduled kids from one activity to the next, it's tempting for families to want to spend their downtime plopped on the couch. The next time you find yourself with an hour or so of unscheduled free time, grab the kids and get moving. Research shows that families that work out together are more likely to stick with it, since they can motivate and encourage each other. And exercising as a family has multiple benefits, from being able to spend quality time with those you love and committing to an active lifestyle, to reducing stress and increasing energy levels. But you don't have to call it exercise. Here are six activities that let families play together, and promote fit and healthy lifestyles.

1. Play in the park.
Grab an assortment of balls and equipment from the garage (soccer ball, football, basketball, and baseball and gloves), along with a Frisbee® and the family dog. Pack a cooler with some water and snacks, and head to your local park with the family for an afternoon of fresh air and playtime. You'll all have so much fun that you won't even realize you're getting a workout.

2. Go swimming. Swimming is a great way to stay in shape. It's an excellent workout for people of all ages. Depending on the time of year and where you live, you can head to your local indoor or outdoor pool for fun and affordable family playtime. Swimming helps improve balance, endurance, and posture, and it's one of the best forms of cardiovascular exercise.

Swimming regularly can also increase self-esteem in kids as they become more comfortable in the water and learn to master their strokes. Get some rings and diving sticks, and take turns diving for them. If your kids are young, sign them up for swimming lessons—they can get their lessons while you work out in the lap lanes. Be sure young kids are never left unattended, and remember the sunscreen if you're outside!

3. Take a hike. A family hike involves a little more planning than other activities, but the benefits are well worth it. Plan the trail level and hike length around the group's abilities and experience. If it's your first family hike, start with a mostly flat trail that's no more than 1 mile round-trip (you don't want to start carrying your kids halfway through the hike). Gradually increase the length and trail difficulty with each hike.

Bring a few light weight backpacks with healthy snacks and water bottles. Keep the kids interested by letting them carry the trail map, and having them look for specific items, like interesting wildflowers or rock formations. Most metropolitan towns have family friendly trails offering easy to moderately difficult hiking trails. To find a trail near you, visit LocalHikes.com.

4. Go for a bike ride.
A family bike ride is a great way to get out of the house and get a workout at the same time. Cycling is also one of the best ways to tone and strengthen the upper leg and calf muscles. Turn a family bike ride into an outing by biking to a specific destination (maybe the corner ice cream shop for frozen yogurt?). Make sure everyone wears a helmet and the appropriate gear. And follow the rules of the road!

5. Jump rope.
Rope jumping dates back to 1,600 AD, when the Egyptians used vines for jumping. Nowadays, it's a great way to burn off energy, reduce stress, improve coordination and endurance, and sing your favorite rhyming songs. Jumping rope at a moderate pace can burn up to 800 calories an hour. For variety, try double Dutch, which is when a person jumps through two jump ropes at the same time. Or invite the neighbors over and have a jump-roping contest, and follow up with an assortment of healthy snacks. You just might start a new tradition.

9 Foods Not to Give Your Kids

Jul 29, 2010

By Joe Wilkes

If you've followed the news on childhood obesity lately, you know the state of affairs is pretty grim. Childhood obesity rates have tripled over the past two decades, and most signs point to the next generation being the first whose life expectancy will be shorter than their parents'. Much of the blame for this trend has deservedly been laid at the feet of the producers and marketers of unhealthy food aimed at our youngest consumers, whose parents face an uphill battle: trying to pit fresh, healthy foods devoid of mascots or sidekicks against superheroes and cartoon animals in a struggle to tempt their children's palates and stomachs.

Since most kids have hummingbird metabolisms that adults can only envy, it's often easy to give them a free pass and let them eat whatever they want. But eventually those metabolisms slow down and the pounds settle in. Also, as physical activity decreases and processed food intake increases annually, kids aren't burning calories the way their parents might have when they were their age. And even if the kids aren't getting fat, they are establishing eating habits they'll take into adulthood. As parents, you can help foster a love for healthy eating and exercise that will last your kids a lifetime—hopefully a long one!

Eating can so often be a classic power struggle where kids try to finally locate their mom and dad's last nerve. (I can remember family dinners with my brother and parents that could teach Hezbollah a thing or two about standoffs.) There are a number of strategies you can use to mitigate this type of deadlock. One is to let your kids help with the selection and preparation of the food. If they picked out the veggies at the farmers' market and helped cook them, they might be less inclined to feed them to the family pet. Another is to frame eating vegetables and healthy food as being its own reward. Otherwise, by offering dessert as a reward for finishing vegetables, you create a system where unhealthy food is a treat and healthy food sucks. With these thoughts in mind, let's take a look at some of the most unhealthy foods being marketed to your kids today, and some healthier alternatives you can offer to replace each of them.

Note: The following recommendations are for school-aged children. Infants and toddlers have different specific nutritional needs, not addressed in this article.



1. Chicken nuggets/tenders.
These popular kids' menu items are little nuggets of compressed fat, sodium, high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), and in some form chicken. Depending on the restaurant, chicken might not even be the first ingredient. Oftentimes, the nuggets or tenders are made of ground pieces of chicken meat and skin, pressed into a shape, Grilled Chicken and a Saladflavored with HFCS and salt, and batter-fried in hydrogenated oil (the bad, trans-fatty stuff). Then, as if that weren't unhealthy enough, you dunk it in a HFCS- or mayonnaise-based sauce. With all the fat, salt, and sugar, it's easy to understand why they're tasty, but the nutritive value weighed against the huge amount of calories and fat consumed is incredibly lacking. Even healthier-sounding menu items can be deceiving, like McDonald's® Premium Breast Strips (5 pieces), which pack 665 calories and 40 grams of fat—and that's before you factor in the dipping sauce. (By comparison, a Big Mac® with sauce has 540 calories and 29 grams of fat.)

Instead: If you're cooking at home, grill a chicken breast and cut it into dipping-size pieces either with a knife or, for extra fun, cookie cutters. Make a healthy dipping sauce from HFCS-free ketchup, marinara sauce, mustard, or yogurt. Let your kids help make the shapes or mix up the sauce. Try and go without breading, but if you must, try dipping the chicken breast in a beaten egg, and then rolling it in cornflake crumbs before you bake it. It'll be crunchy and delicious, but not as fatty.

2. Sugary cereal. I can remember as a child, after going to friends' houses for overnights and being treated to breakfast cereals with marshmallows that turned the milk fluorescent pink or blue, feeling horribly deprived when faced with the less colorful and sugary options served up in my home kitchen. But now I can appreciate my mom and her unpopular brans and granolas. True, they didn't have any cartoon characters on the box or any toy surprises, but they also didn't have the cups of sugar, grams of fat, and hundreds of empty calories that these Saturday-morning staples are loaded with.

Instead:
Read the labels and try to find cereal that's low in sugar and high in fiber and whole grains. Remember, "wheat" is not the same as "whole wheat." Also, avoid cereals (including some granolas) that have hydrogenated oils, artificial colors, or chemical preservatives. Add raisins, sliced bananas, berries, or other seasonal fruit to the cereal for extra flavor and nutrition. Again, letting your child help design a healthy bowl of cereal from choices you provide will get you a little more buy-in at the breakfast table.

3. Lunch meat and hot dogs. Kids love hot dogs, bologna, and other processed meats, but these are all full of potentially carcinogenic nitrates and nitrites, sodium, saturated fat, and artificial colors and fillers. A study in Los Angeles found that kids who ate 12 hot dogs a month had nine times the risk of developing leukemia.1 And more health risks are being discovered all the time. Leaf through any research about Hot Dogskids' nutrition, and you're bound to read about the bane of the cafeteria—Oscar Mayer's Lunchables®. These and similar prepackaged lunches are loaded with processed meats and crackers made with hydrogenated oils. These innocent-looking meals can boast fat counts of up to 38 grams. That's as much fat as a Burger King® Whopper® and more than half the recommended daily allowance of fat for an adult.

Instead:
Get unprocessed meats, like lean turkey breast, chicken, tuna, or roast beef. Use whole wheat bread for sandwiches; or if your kid's dying for Lunchables, fill a small plastic container with whole-grain, low-fat crackers, lean, unprocessed meat, and low-fat cheese. This can be another great time to get out the cookie cutters to make healthy sandwiches more fun. For hot dogs, read labels carefully. Turkey dogs are usually a good bet, but some are pumped up with a fair amount of chemicals and extra fat to disguise their fowl origins. Look for low levels of fat, low sodium, and a list of ingredients you recognize. There are some tasty veggie dogs on the market, although a good deal of trial and error may be involved for the choosy child.

4. Juice and juice-flavored drinks.
Juice—what could be wrong with juice? While 100 percent juice is a good source of vitamin C, it doesn't have the fiber of whole fruit, and provides calories mostly from sugar and carbohydrates. Too much juice can lead to obesity and tooth decay, among other problems. The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests 4 to 6 ounces of juice per day for kids under six, and 8 to 12 ounces for older kids. Juice drinks that aren't 100 percent juice are usually laced with artificial colors and that old standby, high fructose corn syrup, and should be avoided. Your best bet is to make your own juice from fresh, seasonal fruit. You won't have to worry about all the additives, and it's another way you can involve your kids in the cooking process. Let them design their own juice "cocktail." (And if you were even considering soda, see "Top 10 Reasons to Give Up Soda" in the Related Articles section below.)

Instead: Water is still the best thirst quencher. Explain the importance of good hydration to your kids, and try to set a good example yourself by carrying around a healthy reusable hard plastic or stainless steel water bottle. Get your kids used to carrying a small bottle of water in their backpack or attached to their bike. If they're very water averse, try water with a splash of fruit juice in it. But just a splash. The idea is to get your kids used to not having things be overly sweet, overly salty, or overly fatty. Another great beverage is milk. Growing kids need plenty of milk (or fortified nondairy milks, like soy or almond)—which is filled with nutrients, calcium, and (in the case of dairy and soy) protein—but they don't need too much fat, so choosing low-fat or nonfat options will help ensure that they get their milk without actually beginning to resemble a cow.

5. French fries. High in calories, high in fat, and high in sodium—and unsurprisingly the most popular "vegetable" among kids. Fries offer virtually none of the nutrients found in broccoli, carrots, spinach, or other veggies not cooked up in a deep fryer, and the fat they're fried in is often trans fat, the unhealthiest kind for the heart. To top it all off, studies are beginning to show cancer-causing properties from acrylamide, a toxic substance that is created when starchy foods like potatoes are heated to extreme temperatures. In some tests, the amount of acrylamide in French fries was 300 to 600 times higher than the amount the EPA allows in a glass of water.2

Instead: Vegetables like baby carrots, celery sticks, and other crudités are great options, but if potatoes must be had, there are some options that don't involve melting a brick of fat. A scooped-out potato skin with low-fat chili and a little cheese can provide lots of fiber and vitamins, with even higher amounts if the chili has beans. You can also try making baked fries, using slices of potato with a light brushing of olive oil. Or the classic baked potato could be a hit, with plain yogurt or cottage cheese instead of sour cream and butter.

6. Potato chips, Cheetos®, Doritos®, etc. These are full of fat, oftentimes saturated, and way more sodium than any child or adult should eat. Some chips also have the acrylamide problem discussed in #5, French fries, above. Also, watch out for innocent-seeming baked and low-fat chips that contain olestra or other fake fats and chemicals that could present health issues for kids.

Instead: Kids gotta snack, and in fact, since their stomachs are smaller, they aren't usually able to go as long between meals as adults. Cut-up vegetables are the best thing if your kids want to get their crunch on, but air-popped popcorn and some baked chips are okay, too. You can control how much salt goes on the popcorn, or involve your child in experimenting with other toppings like red pepper, Parmesan cheese, or dried herbs. Try making your own trail mix with your kids. They might be more excited to eat their own personal blend, and that way you can avoid certain store-bought trail mixes, which sometimes contain ingredients like chocolate chips and marshmallows that aren't exactly on the healthy snack trail.

7. Fruit leather.
Many of these gelatinous snacks like roll-ups or fruit bites contain just a trace amount of fruit, but lots of sugar or HFCS and bright artificial colors. Don't be misled by all the products that include the word "fruit" on their box. Real fruit is in the produce section, not the candy aisle.

Instead: If your child doesn't show interest in fruit in its natural state, there are some ways you can make it more interesting without losing its nutritional value. For a healthy frozen treat, try filling ice-cube or frozen-pop trays with fruit juice or freezing grapes. Or buy unflavored gelatin and mix it with fruit juice and/or pieces of fruit to make gelatin treats without the added sugar and color (let it solidify in big flat casserole dishes or roasting pans—another good time for the cookie cutters!) Try serving some raisins, dried apricots, apples, peaches, or other dried fruits that might give you that chewy, leathery texture without the sugar.

8. Doughnuts.
These little deep-fried gobs of joy are favorites for kids and adults alike, but they are full of fat and trans-fatty acids, and of course, sugar. Toaster pastries, muffins, and cinnamon buns aren't much better. The worst thing about doughnuts and these other pastries, aside from their nutritional content, is that they're often presented to children as acceptable breakfast choices. These delicious deadlies need to be categorized properly—as desserts, to be eaten very sparingly. And you can't have dessert for breakfast.

Instead:
Honestly, a slice of whole wheat toast spread with sugar-free fruit spread or peanut butter isn't going to get as many fans as a chocolate-filled Krispy Kreme® doughnut, but at some point, you have to stand firm. Be the cop who doesn't like doughnuts. Doughnuts—not for breakfast. Period.

9. Pizza. In moderation, pizza can be a fairly decent choice. If you order the right toppings, you can get in most of your food groups. The problem comes with processed meats like pepperoni and sausage, which add fat and nitrates/nitrites (see #3, Lunch meat and hot dogs, above); and the overabundance of cheese, which will also provide more calories and fat than a child needs.

Instead: Try making your own pizza with your kids. Use premade whole wheat crusts, or whole wheat tortillas, English muffins, or bread as a base. Then brush on HFCS-free sauce, and set up a workstation with healthy ingredients like diced chicken breast, sliced turkey dogs, and vegetables that each child can use to build his or her own pizza. Then sprinkle on a little cheese, bake, and serve. If your child gets used to eating pizza like this, delivery pizzas may seem unbearably greasy after awhile.

Someday your children will come to realize that caped men in tights and sponges who live under the sea might not have their best interests at heart when it comes to food. Until then, however, why not involve them in the process of selecting and preparing healthier alternatives? Some of these cleverly disguised wholesome foods might become their favorites. Who knows, they may even tempt some of the overgrown children among us!

When Girls Can't Hear...

Jun 10, 2010

I came across a mother of two 8 yr old twin girls the other day at the YMCA. She told me one of her daughters wears hearing aids due to a hearing loss discovered at 3 yrs of age - it was interesting that one twin had it and the other didn't.

Her question was "How should we help her cope with this hearing loss?"...

Why did she ask me? I was born with a hearing loss and I wear 2 hearing aids myself - I'm painfully aware of the issues young girls face with this type of impairment. Isn't it hard enough JUST being a girl??!!

I was glad she asked me. I told her that the biggest obstacle besides having to work harder in school is overcoming social bias. Kids just don't know what they don't know; and let's face it, they can be really mean! So what's the best thing you can do to support your daughter? Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. It's all who she surrounds herself with: Finding confident and understanding friends is key - once she has those friends, help her nurture those friendships because they are rare especially at that age.

2. Look at things from her POV (Point of View): If she asks you "huh" or "what?" ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS repeat yourself, and do it as many times as she needs you to. That doesn't mean you yell louder and change the way you say things, but get her to look right at you - she can read your lips guaranteed! She can pick up any voice inflection and she can sense if you're irritated - this is a REAL confidence breaker, and chances are she's very sensitive when it comes to not being able to hear.

3. Praise often: Sometimes when we can't hear we start to lose our confidence in how smart we are. Even though you know your daughter is smart, when she can't hear she's bound to get things wrong. Here is a perfect example: I remember several times when someone I didn't know asked me a question like "Hi, what's your name?" and because I didn't hear the whole question, I improvised and guess what... sometimes I improvised wrong. My response was "Yes". LOL - imagine what went through their head - "Who is this girl? She's an idiot" So bolstering your daughter's confidence at home can go a long way!

For parents with children with normal hearing: remember, you can teach your girls how to handle others with hearing loss - once they can empathize they will be more accepting!

If you don't know anyone who is deaf or hearing impaired, chances are you will someday.

Better Safe Than Sorry...

Jun 2, 2010

Don’t talk to strangers, safety in numbers, don’t look like a victim, be aware...etc... As parents, we say these very important phrases all the time! But what does it really mean, and how do you teach your daughter to stay out of danger?

Imagine you’re watching the Discovery Channel, and it’s one of those nature shows. It pans across a huge field with hundreds of Zebra grazing and eating grass, and all of a sudden you see a pack of lions approach...what do you think the Zebra would do?

A. The Zebra hang out a bit thinking maybe the lions will come back some other time.

B. The Zebra aren’t quite finished eating yet, so they finish up before leaving.

C. The Zebra SCRAM...who wants to get eaten! “C” is the ANSWER!


So how come we stick around in situations where we feel uncomfortable?

Here are a few tips help train yourself and your daughter to recognize and avoid danger:

1. Know Your Zones!
Imagine a traffic light... it has a “GREEN” light, a “YELLOW” light and a “RED” light. Each of those lights tells you something important. Green light says it’s safe to go, while a red light says STOP. The yellow light tells you to proceed with caution.

Safety “Zones” are just like that... except we don’t have a light to tell us which zone we’re in, all we have is our senses. So how does this translate? Let me give you some examples:

Green Zone: This is the safe zone! This is the place where your kids feel safe. Example: at home, or out with you (the parents etc).

Red Zone: Danger Zone! This is the get me the heck out of here zone! In this zone their guard is up, and adrenaline is pumping--ex: dark parking lot, or walking home at night from a friend’s house.

Yellow Zone: This is the caution zone! Kids may feel a bit more relaxed in this place, ex: walking to the car with you the parents, at school, shopping at the mall, or hanging at the movie theater, etc.

Teach your daughter about Zones and make sure she knows how to identify her Yellow Zones as they are the most dangerous.

2. Scan With A Plan
How do you teach your daughter to stay aware without being paranoid? Scan with a Plan -- Teach them to keep their eyes on their surroundings, and teach them how to look for things that seem out of place.

Ask them, when they look around do they look from left to right or right to left when scanning their surroundings? Do they look near and far? What would they do if they DID see something or if they felt uncomfortable?

Being aware is one of the most important things you can do to spot potential danger. To practice, take your daughter and go outside. Once you’re out there you have 30 seconds to scan your environment and describe what you see. Now I’m not talking about big things like cars and trees... I’m talking about smaller things like a blue striped ball across the street in the gutter kind of thing.

ONLY DUMB bad guys stick out like a sore thumb... when scanning your environment it pays to look for the little things like shadows, shoes, fingers, or anything that seems out of place!

3. Have a Plan: If your daughter is uncomfortable or feels that something isn't quite right, it's our job to teach them what to do. No matter how minor the situation tell them to get out of that situation immediately and get an adult. It's much better to be safe than sorry... even if they feel embarrassed for making assumptions.

Help your daughter to know her zones, scan her surroundings and have a plan! I also recommend finding a good self-defense workshop in your community - practice makes perfect.

To Model or not to Model...

May 28, 2010

According to Healthyplace.com, "An estimated 5- to 10-million females and 1-million males are battling an eating disorder in the U.S. Eighty-seven percent of the estimated with eating disorders are younger than 20."

In my GirlSpire classes I have an activity that I like to have all the girls do on the first day. They get up on the microphone and introduce themselves to the group - they say their name, one great thing about themselves, they share an embarrassing story, and then it's open mic! I'm always surprised at what they say... I had a girl a few months back who said "I'm 8, and I think I might have an eating disorder"

What??? Did I hear that right? I thought to myself... YOU'RE 8!


As it turns out, it doesn't matter how old our daughters are - an eating disorder can strike at any age.

Among all the pressures our daughters feel while growing up, there is one we can control... and that is ourselves. How many times have we looked at ourselves in the mirror and thought "I look terrible today, or I need to lose some weight"?? We may not think our girls pick up on these feelings, but they do. We model our insecurities for our them to see, and that is not healthy for any of us.

Next time you find yourself in the mirror, decide what you want to model! Instead of noticing the negative, make an effort to compliment yourself... it might go further than you think.

Crush and be crushed...

May 27, 2010

For Moms:

Do you remember your first crush? Or even your second or third? We all have those special memories that consumed us what ever the age. It took over our whole life and every waking moment was devoted to that person (even if they never knew we existed)!

Now that I'm older and I reflect back on these precious moments, I wonder what my mom must have been thinking during this time? She always kept her thoughts private unless I asked for advice. It's as if she knew I was "feeling deeply" and she let me be. She never said, "Oh it's just a stupid crush" or "Your so young you don't know what love is"... I needed that at the time and even now looking back I'm thankful for the space and understanding she gave me.

I can only hope that my children feel as deeply and have those same feelings of love, longing and loss - Each encounter is so very special, and we must remember that without them we are not who we are today. So lift up your daughters when they're consumed by love and loss - and remember the times you felt the same.

Teach your daughters to hold all their "first loves" and special crushes close to their hearts. I still hold on tight to mine.

Reaching our daughters...

May 19, 2010

At a certain point our kids shut down... you get the one word answers to questions like:

- How's school? Fine.
- Anything new? No.
- Need to talk about anything? No.

I think it's bound to happen, but the question is: What can we do besides pull our hair out and worry about how they are "really" doing?

There are so many issues today like "cyber bullying", teen pregnancy, peer pressure, drugs, etc. How can we tell if our daughters are really doing ok? Here are a few strategies to try during your next conversation with your daughter:

1. Listen!
Sometimes we think we are listening but really... we're not. Let them talk, and count to 10 before you say anything!!! As women, we tend to discover the answer to our problems as we talk. So if your daughter starts to talk about something don't speak! Instead listen and acknowledge, and whatever you do DON'T offer advice unless she asks you (And I mean she comes out and says "Mom, what do you think?") Even then she is not looking to us to solve her problem - rather she is looking for alternatives. So a great response would be "I'm not sure what I would do. What would you like to see happen in this situation? What do you think would be the best outcome?."

2. Get her to solve her own problems during your conversations by asking questions. You're job is to guide her to the answer not offer suggestions. As soon as we open our mouths they tend to clam up!

3. Don't judge her actions. Remember when they come to us they come because we love them unconditionally... they get enough judgment from their peers.

Although these things can be difficult to do in conversation, practice them. Because the more you do the more she will confide in you. Be patient with her and yourself.

The future is "girl."

May 15, 2010

I came across an amazing article based on the thoughts of Eve Ensler, for those of you who don't know her she a well known feminist but made her mark with The Vagina Monologues. This article gave me goose bumps...

Imagine girl is a cell that each of us -- boys and girls -- are born with. Imagine this girl cell is central to the evolution of our species and an assurance of the continuation of the human race.

Now imagine that a few powerful people, invested in owning this world, understood that the oppression of this cell was key to retaining their power, so they reinterpreted this cell, undermining its value and making us believe that it is weak. They initiated a process to crush, eradicate, annihilate, humiliate, belittle, censor, reduce and kill off the girl cell.

This was called patriarchy.

Imagine girl is a chip in the huge microcosm of our collective consciousness, which is essential to the balance, wisdom and future of humanity.
Buying a girl is cheaper than buying a cow in many places.


Imagine that girl is the part of each of us that feels compassion, empathy, passion, intensity, association, relationship, emotion, play, resistance, vulnerability, intuitive intelligence, vision.

Imagine that compassion informs wisdom. That vulnerability is our greatest strength. That emotions have inherent logic and lead to radical saving action.

Now remember that those in power essentially taught us and conditioned us to believe the opposite:

Compassion clouds your thinking.

Vulnerability is weakness.

Emotions are not to be trusted.

Don't take things personally.

To be a boy means not to be a girl.

To be a man means not to be a girl.

To be strong means not to be a girl.

To be a woman means not to be a girl.

To be a leader means not to be a girl.

It must be very powerful to be a girl if everyone Is taught not to be one.

Having traveled the planet for 12 years, visiting more than 60 countries and living in the rape mines of the world, I have been with girls. I have witnessed their realities.

I have seen girls with knife wounds and cigarette burns, treated like garbage, beaten by their brothers and fathers and boyfriends and mothers, starving themselves to death to look the way they are supposed to look -- which is close to invisible.
I have witnessed across this planet ... the wild natural resiliency, fierceness, grace and nobility of girl.

We are so accustomed to prohibiting girls from being the subjects of their own life that we have turned them into objects: commodities in the marketplace, bodies to be bought and sold and plundered and married off or raped in war. Buying a girl is cheaper than buying a cow in many places.

I have been with boys as well, watched as they have been ridiculed, censored and abused for their tenderness, their doubts, their grief, their need for comfort and protection. I have seen how the tyranny of masculinity has forced boys and then men to cut off their hearts and cast them into a brutal, lonely state of disassociation and isolation.

The state of girl, the condition of girl -- in the world and in us -- will determine if this species survives.

I believe unleashing the intensity of girl, the outrage of girl, the passion of girl, is the only way to chip away the thick sludge of denial, oppression and indifference that has led to our insane acceptance of a world spinning us toward our end.

What I have witnessed across this planet is the wild natural resiliency, fierceness, grace and nobility of girl.

The girl cell is our greatest resource, a renewable, untapped energy field like the wind. It is there for us, if we activate it and allow it to resist, dare, challenge, feel and connect.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Eve Ensler.

Divorce at 8 yrs old...

May 14, 2010

An eight-year-old girl from Saudi Arabia has been granted a divorce from her 50-year-old husband. The girl's marriage was arranged by her father and backed twice by a judge on the condition that it was not consummated until she reached puberty.

Her mother, who is separated from the father, objected to the arrangement and twice sought a divorce on her daughter's behalf. The case was widely publicized and prompted heated debate in the country, which is currently giving more rights to women than have previously been granted. It was also condemned by human rights groups abroad.

This serves as a strong reminder that now more than ever it is time to support our girls in all areas of the world. Child marriage contravenes accepted international standards of human rights.


* based on an article written by Richard Spencer in Dubai

The Biggest Loser...

May 13, 2010

I watched the last episode of the Biggest Loser before the finale last night and was taken back by the message I kept hearing over and over... "Make it to the final four"!

As a martial artist and fitness expert, I find it disturbing that the goal stops at winning the prize. Perhaps it was the producers making it look that way which is ALWAYS a possibility. I hope so, but it seems in 'real life' it happens all too often.

Why is it that so many of us focus on the "end goal" when it's the journey that makes us who we are?? Challenge yourself to dismiss the end goal, and focus on the road ahead... look around, see the sights and take it all in. Because once the journey is over... that's it.

Calling All Parents... A Challenge for you!

May 12, 2010

Trying to see it from your daughter’s point-of-view can be difficult. Compromise is key! In one of the chapters of GS we talk about family relationships, the good the bad and the ugly. This chapter starts with a few questions that the girls must answer about their parents… for example:

1. What is your mom’s favorite color
2. What makes your mom/dad really happy?
3. What do you love about your mom/dad?
4. What drives you crazy about them?

These may seem like ridiculous questions, but its a great way to spring board into an honest conversation. My challenge to you is this: Create your own questionnaire and see if you can answer questions about your daughter (basically it will give you a gauge on how well you know her… since they change so quickly). If she agrees to it, have her do the same and sit down and compare notes – this kind of open communication goes a LONG way – even if you don’t feel like you’re making progress, you are.

What is GS?

From the moment we enter this world until the day we depart we are bombarded with information from ideas, advice, advertisements and promotions, to should’s and shouldn’ts. As we age most of us learn to separate out what information is useful to us and what isn’t.

Now imagine you are a girl, and you are 8… the world looks very different. Your hopes and dreams can be built and crushed hour to hour, your best friend holds the key to some of your biggest decisions, and your life is ruled by… well definitely NOT you. Setting a solid foundation at 8 years old for how you can be and want to be and interact in this life seems impossible, but is more necessary today than ever before.

It’s a known fact that during adolescence, girlsself-esteem drops about twice as much as boys, with varying theories and statistics as to why. Is it body image? School? Family? Friends? All of the above? Laying the foundation for how we relate and maintain relationships with “all of the above” is what GirlSpire is all about. Taking action now to create, analyze, improve and maintain those relationships in a way that inspires and empowers young girls.