Reaching our daughters...

At a certain point our kids shut down... you get the one word answers to questions like:

- How's school? Fine.
- Anything new? No.
- Need to talk about anything? No.

I think it's bound to happen, but the question is: What can we do besides pull our hair out and worry about how they are "really" doing?

There are so many issues today like "cyber bullying", teen pregnancy, peer pressure, drugs, etc. How can we tell if our daughters are really doing ok? Here are a few strategies to try during your next conversation with your daughter:

1. Listen! Sometimes we think we are listening but really... we're not. Let them talk, and count to 10 before you say anything!!! As women, we tend to discover the answer to our problems as we talk. So if your daughter starts to talk about something don't speak! Instead listen and acknowledge, and whatever you do DON'T offer advice unless she asks you (And I mean she comes out and says "Mom, what do you think?") Even then she is not looking to us to solve her problem - rather she is looking for alternatives. So a great response would be "I'm not sure what I would do. What would you like to see happen in this situation? What do you think would be the best outcome?."

2. Get her to solve her own problems during your conversations by asking questions. You're job is to guide her to the answer not offer suggestions. As soon as we open our mouths they tend to clam up!

3. Don't judge her actions. Remember when they come to us they come because we love them unconditionally... they get enough judgment from their peers.

Although these things can be difficult to do in conversation, practice them. Because the more you do the more she will confide in you. Be patient with her and yourself.