Not "Girly" enough?

The other day I was confronted with the notion that I don't dress my daughter "girly" enough.

Interesting I thought.

"Girly enough"? What does that mean exactly?

I was told that it is harmful to girls everywhere if we do not celebrate their feminine side. But what is the feminine side? It's something we created a long time ago through our own stereotypes... Girls wear pink tutus and have bows in their hair, wear bling and pink ribbons.

But is that really what defines a girl? I don't think so.

I can remember dressing what some mothers would call "boyish", I played with boys, and I played in the dirt. But I'm all girl, and I celebrate my independent nature everyday!

So why all the fuss about what we wear and how we dress our girls?
The zen approach would be to say we celebrate the person and what is, not what we think it needs to be.

I would l0ve to hear your thoughts and comments on this!

It's what you do, not what you say...

Every once in a while I will will be privy to a defining moment - the kind of moment where you can see the wheels turning in someones head. It is a moment that impacts them more then they realize.

Yesterday, after teaching a class at the gym, I went into the locker room to change clothes. There was a young girl with her mother changing as well. I don't think the mom really noticed just how much her little girl watched her, but it changed the girls perception right before my eyes. The mom was noticing her "flaws" in the mirror - as we all do, but her daughter was taking it all in. After the woman finished getting dressed, I watched the daughter walk over to the mirror, look over at her mom and then look at herself with disappointment.

Sometimes we think its just the negative self talk that our daughters hear, but even more powerful than words are our actions.

You are the best role model for your daughter, and even if you don't verbalize your insecurities about yourself and your body (I know we all have them) there are other ways they can seep into our daughters lives.

Make a point to celebrate your body, and remember they are ALWAYS watching us. Setting an example of confidence is a 24/7 job!

GirlSpire Book at Barnes & Noble

Just a quick note to let you know after 10 months of work, GirlSpire is now available on www.bn.com!

Please feel free to check it out, and I would love to hear your thoughts :)

The book is Now on BN.com!
http://productsearch.barnesandnoble.com/search/results.aspx?WRD=girlspire&page=index&prod=univ&choice=allproducts&query=girlspire&flag=False&ugrp=2

9 yr old throws holiday party! Are you crazy?

If you're looking to do something unique and fun with your girls this holiday, have them design, host and plan their very first holiday gathering. Give them a budget!

By doing this, not only will your girls feel independent, but they will also learn some valuable lessons in a fun way:

Time management: Planning an event can be stressful when you start to plan activities, coordinate friends, and find venues etc. This is a great opportunity for your daughter to learn this skill- in a fun way and what seems like on her own terms!

Money management: Giving her a budget teaches her how to manage money and also gives her the freedom to be creative and learn boundaries. Give her cash and let her know that's the budget she has, so use it wisely!

Creativity: This is a great way to get the creative juices flowing! She can plan what kind of holiday theme she wants. And most likely she will pull in her closest buds to help.

Leadership and team building: In planning a party, we always seek out our closest friends and contacts for help. This is a great opportunity for your daughter to do the same! But in doing this she also learns how to LEAD this group... this is priceless!

So do something different this year and give your daughter the gift of confidence, creativity, leadership, time management and money management!

Happy and safe holidays to you all.

What is Inspiration?

I was recently asked a question that got me thinking... What is Inspiration?

Well when you try to break it down, you realize just how big this question is. Scholars, religion, philosophers, parents, kids, teachers, everyone for that matter has a different definition of inspiration depending on what it means to them.

The dictionary defines it as "Stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity." A very interesting but broad interpretation - is that all there is to it?

Why do some become more inspired than others? Why do some act on their inspiration and some don't? Could it be as simple as taking a moment to realize you've been inspired?

Take this situation for example: A few months back I was in line at Starbucks, and in front of me was a gentleman and his wife. He began to order, and at the end of his order he said "And add whatever she is having to my tab as well" he was gesturing to me.

WHAT? That's crazy I thought. Wow! I smiled and was very thankful - it put a smile on my face and brightened my entire day.

I could have just held on to that feeling I had and moved on, but I didn't. The next week I found myself back in Starbucks, but this time I felt inspired... inspired to pass that feeling I had the week before on to someone else hoping it might make them feel the same way. So I proceeded to order and at the end of my order I said "And I'll pay for whatever she is having" and I gestured to the woman behind me.

Her face lit up and she smiled. Was she inspired, will she pass it on? I don't know, but at least I was able to stop and recognize an inspiring situation and ACT on it. If I had been too consumed with other things in my life like work, school, etc and not been in the "Starbucks moment" the week before would I have had the same experience?

Maybe not.

So to answer the question What is Inspiration? Well to me it is the ability to recognize it in all things, take it in, act on it, and try to inspire others to do the same. I guess there is no hard definition to inspiration because it lies in the eyes of the beholder. But only if your eyes are open and you are ready to see it.

Scan with a Plan...

I wrote a blog post a few months back about stranger safety, and one of the tools I teach to both girls and women of all ages is how to "scan with a plan".

Scan with a Plan arose from teaching hundreds of self defense classes over a 16 year period, and helps teach us how to be more aware. Here is a classic example:

When you go outside during the day or at night do you take the time to look around and assess your surroundings before you jump into your daily routine?

Be honest.

I can't tell you how many girls I see leaving a store or their homes or even on a walk and they are texting or listing to their ipod. It happens ALL the time. That is never safe. Let me say that again... IT IS NEVER SAFE.

Now there is a difference between being paranoid and Polly Anna. There is no need to walk around feeling scared, but there is a need to walk around being aware. So how exactly do you do that?

Well... here are some great tips:

1. When you go outside take your surroundings in "pie clicks". When you scan your surroundings you should be taking a slice of the environment and then moving to the next small slice. If you just go outside and look left to right and glance around, the only thing you'll notice is a BIG ELEPHANT! It's next to impossible to detect something subtle this way. So take your environment in pie clicks or slices. When analyzing your first slice start from left to right and then within that slice look high, look low, look near and look far. Then move on to the next slice. Once you've gone completely from left to right, start over again.

2. Look for things that don't belong. It sounds simple, but its not. It's a learned skill. For example, an attacker isn't most likely going to be standing outside with a big flashing sign that says I'm coming to attack you.... right? So why would we classify what we look for in that way? Instead of JUST looking for "full" people, we search in body parts as well. A sly attacker will try to hide himself (perhaps you'll see a shoe behind a tire, or a shadow, or a finger etc.) so be on the look out for the little stuff too!

3. Listen to your 2nd Brain! Yep you heard right... you have 2 brains! One that is very old and one that is fairly new. One is INSTINCT and the other is our ability to rationalize, communicate, educate and think. Your older brain feels more like a built in alarm system and IS NOT RATIONAL! For example: Have you ever felt the hair on the back of your neck stand up? Or felt your palms start to sweat? Or even felt nervous knots in your belly? That is your 2nd brain talking! When you are in an environment where you do not feel 100% safe, listen to this 2nd brain... ALWAYS, because we have a nasty habit of letting our cognitive brain talk us out of feeling the warning signs our instinct sends.

So when you feel your 2nd brain alarm blaring... what do you do? remove yourself IMMEDIATELY from the situation no matter what, even if you have to run... no negotiating and no rationalizing.

When we interview women who are attacked, 99% of them felt their 2nd Brain alarm go off, and they didn't listen to it.

You can find more information in the GirlSpire workbook, and the full program covers safety more in depth.

History 101

Have you ever noticed that in history class, we rarely ever learn about women’s history? Sure we hear about Paul Revere and George Washington, but what about Eleanor Roosevelt?

Why is that? We learn all about the men who influenced how we live today.. but how come we got left out?

That’s soooo not fair!

What we teach our daughters matters! We must teach them that they are in control of their own destiny!

So if they come home from school and something in class doesn't sit well with them, then show them how to SPEAK UP! It's up to us to say "You can make a difference, and all you need to do is take control and make it happen."

Back to history...
When it comes to the lack of women’s history... I bet you’re thinking what can I do? Tell your girls to start by saying what they feel... teach them to SHOUT IT OUT. Or in this particular case...WRITE IT OUT!!!

A great way for girls to get their thoughts across on the matter?...Write a letter!

1. Have them write one to their teacher
2. To their principle
3. To the school board (this requires a bit of research)
4. AND...have them send this same letter to the publisher & author of their history book.

I give a great example of a form letter in the GirlSpire workbook that all girls can follow. The main message here is that we must empower our girls... and teach them that they CAN make a difference no matter what their age.