Boulder Parents

This is inspiring... Boulder Parents is a PRIVATE online community of parents with children in K12 schools, gathered here to support one another as we endeavor to be the best parents we can be. We recognize that parenting is the hardest, most important job we will ever do. We all make mistakes. We all need help from time to time. And we all possess different skills, passions, and perspectives. But no one need go it alone. Boulder Parents is founded on the belief that as a community we are stronger, smarter, and more capable parents.

The BP community is set up as a forum for the free exchange of new ideas, thoughts, recommendations, worries, accomplishments, get togethers, and possibilities. It is a way for us to get connected and stay connected to the families that make up the proverbial “village” behind the the scenes of the classrooms our kids share. http://www.boulderparents.org.

I have been looking for a great way to communicate with other parents, and I could never find one I liked - so I created one. I hope this catches on. Only a few schools are participating, but if you are interested, email me: teresa.mclain@xsci-ucd.org. Cheers.

An Updated Commentary on Disney Princesses and Demure Wallflowers

My cousin Katie has a blog called justkatie, and she wrote a post that I thought I would share with all of you. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

An Updated Commentary on Disney Princesses and Demure Wallflowers

I haven't blogged since before the holidays as I had the lovely opportunity to travel home for Christmas and to visit loved ones in Virginia for New Years. Now that I'm back in the proverbial grind (whatever that is), I thought I would usher in this new year of blogging with my CURRENT thoughts about Disney princess fairytales. There's a nice preface for you. It is actually kind of sad that you still see evidence of my academic writing skills in the way I preface everything, even thank you cards and blog posts. Oh well.

So let's talk Disney princess fairytales, which we know are loosely based off of much darker stories by the Grimm brothers. But for the purposes of this discussion, I'll be ranting about the Disney versions. And please jump in with your own thoughts. Goodness knows, I love a good princess discussion. Let's take a look at Cinderella and Snow White and common themes in these stories.

Both are static rather than dynamic characters, would you agree? By this I mean they appear as developed characters and while they influence actions of other characters, neither undergoes any huge period of growth during which their character is changed. The growth has undoubtedly happened, but prior to the moment when we see the story begin. So when the going gets tough, these girls simply shine. We don't see development. We don't see growth. We do see difficult circumstances and we see traits like kindness, patience and hope flog the evil that pervades their lives, and, yes, they live 'happily ever after.' Their light is pure and sweet and with it, they battle and win.

The other common theme in these stories is that the identity of Prince Charming is known, at least to the viewer. Cinderella isn't aware of his identity and for Snow White...sheesh...he shows up just in the nick of time. We see relatively little relationship development or interaction with the princes at all, really, which I also thought was interesting. Snow White meets him briefly at the beginning and then falls into his arms when he kisses her. Cinderella spends a few moments with him at a dance and then, next we see her walking down the aisle, losing her shoe again. I mean, does this strike you as disturbing?

What is also disturbing is that if you look at Ariel (in a league all her own, I must say), she's practically a stalker! (We do see some character development in her though, as she learns to respect authority). I place Ariel and Jasmine in the same category and I'm not quite sure why. I love both of these stories, and they seem to be more dynamic than the girls in the first category but not quite as dynamic as others. So I sort of lump them together, yet separately. (Again, Ariel and Jasmine fans, thoughts?)

Aurora is also in her own little world because even though she is also a static character as Snow and Cindy are, her relationship with Philip is more developed than those of the first two. They at least meet, converse and dance! Philip is also in a league of his own when it comes to the princes because in my opinion, he's the only one who actually fights for the princess and proves his love for her. He eventually kills a dragon for Pete's sake. What did Cinderella's prince do? Oh, I don't know...hmmm...sat back and let his dad plan his future for him and then sent the duke to track down his so-called love. IMPRESSIVE?! Not so much, Cindy. Not so much. At least Snow White's prince actually tracked her down himself and didn't sit back in his palace sipping cocktails while the love of his life was in danger.

ANYWAY...

Let's look at Belle, and now Rapunzel. These are the characters that we meet as flawed individuals. Perhaps I'm fixating on them because they are somewhat new to me. Oddly, I was not allowed to watch Beauty and the Beast when I was little. I'm not even sure why to tell you the truth. But I didn't grow up on it. In fact, I've only seen the movie all the way through twice. Belle is presented as different--not in the sweet, kind, lovely, demure, patient way that Snow and Cinderella are presented or in the regal way that Jasmine or Ariel are introduced. She's depicted as an odd one, and we find she has a temper later on as well. Rapunzel is afraid, timid, unable to express herself and slightly naive at the beginning of her story (which also is appealing to me because there is no Prince Charming in that story at all). These are DYNAMIC characters.

(Belle and Beast and Rapunzel and Flynn also arguable spend the most time involved in relationship development as well, spending most of their respective stories conversing, spending time together, arguing, working their way through conflict, individually and together. I just thought I would point this out).

The leading gentlemen in these stories are also dynamic with Flynn and the Beast changing drastically by the end of each story. Both are depicted as selfish and Flynn as careless and Beast as angry. They change, evolve as the girls do.

What's my point?

When I was younger, I was drawn to your typical Snow White/Cinderella story. And while there's nothing wrong with these stories (and if these are your favorites, don't take this personally), I find myself moving away from my old favorites and finding new ones.

I like that Belle is angry and stubborn and impatient with Beast. I like that Rapunzel doesn't have the courage to go after her dreams at first. I LIKE the way that Belle screams in frustration at Beast and, heck, I freaking LOVE the inappropriate way that Rapunzel handles conflict by hitting people over the head with frying pans!

These girls are the antithesis of Snow White and Cinderella! I like that they are depicted as imperfect, flawed, human. I like that we see the journey, the path to change. From this, we not only identify, but we learn.

I remember being awed as I watched Cinderella and Snow White as a little girl, recognizing patience and sweetness that I knew I couldn't possess in the same circumstances. I looked at them the same way I did the Proverbs 31 woman--something made of gold and crystal on a high shelf somewhere that I could stare at in wonder without ever touching. I wished I could look like that, sparkle and shine like it and be gentle and sweet, timid even, shy. I always wished I wasn't so loud, that I could be a demure wallflower.

This just in: I AM NOT A DEMURE WALLFLOWER.

I won't ever be a demure wallflower! God bless 'em, but I'm not one. And I don't think that I can be one of my own doing, or trained to be one by my parents (thank God they loved me for who I was), or at the hand of God. (Yep, I just said that. Think about it and don't overreact and if you do, send me a nasty message. Take a number). Anyway, that is not how I was created to be.

And I look back on the way I watched Disney princess films as a child, wishing I could be soft and lovely like Cinderella and wondering how I could possibly resist from pulling the stepsister's hair or kicking them or telling them to stop being so unjust, were I in her tiny, glass shoes. Snow White ran from the Queen and I used to sit and stare and wonder why she didn't just punch her out and take over the kingdom! The kingdom would have been better off! She had every right to stage a coup! (I literally used to think this as I watched the story...why did she run into the forest and hide? Or after meeting the dwarfs, why not go all Swiss Family Robinson on the queen and stand her ground?)

Now, I watch Belle and Rapunzel and I think a couple things. First, this world takes all kinds of princesses and I will always watch ladies like Cinderella and Snow White in awe. In fact, one of my dear friends who is no longer with us was pretty much the embodiment of all the best qualities of those two princesses all the time--like FOR REALS. Being around her was like experiencing magic. She literally glowed--that's how big her heart was and how soft and gentle her spirit was. They found a brain tumor and she fought it as long as she could before losing that battle a few years ago. I loved her. I loved watching her and being around her. She touched lives in ways that I physically, literally never could.

But I touch lives, too. Not in the same way--not as gracefully or as beautifully. But I do. So do people reading this, or you can anyway. And I'm not a static character--I'm dynamic. I'm flawed and human and I don't keep those flaws hidden away as the wicked stepmother and evil queen tried to do (heh, and look what happened to them...a good lesson for people who try to hide their pain and refuse to deal with it, I might add). I am real.

So to sum up--this world takes all kinds of princesses.

I'm growing--more like Belle and Rapunzel than the lovely, graceful Cindy or Snow. I'm dynamic. I'm flawed. I'm on a journey.

I'm also not a demure wallflower.

And for the first time ever, I realize that's ok.

And so literally as "just katie", I bid you all a goodnight and leave you with two questions:

1) what kind of character are you?
2) have you accepted your role and your journey?

Not "Girly" enough?

The other day I was confronted with the notion that I don't dress my daughter "girly" enough.

Interesting I thought.

"Girly enough"? What does that mean exactly?

I was told that it is harmful to girls everywhere if we do not celebrate their feminine side. But what is the feminine side? It's something we created a long time ago through our own stereotypes... Girls wear pink tutus and have bows in their hair, wear bling and pink ribbons.

But is that really what defines a girl? I don't think so.

I can remember dressing what some mothers would call "boyish", I played with boys, and I played in the dirt. But I'm all girl, and I celebrate my independent nature everyday!

So why all the fuss about what we wear and how we dress our girls?
The zen approach would be to say we celebrate the person and what is, not what we think it needs to be.

I would l0ve to hear your thoughts and comments on this!

It's what you do, not what you say...

Every once in a while I will will be privy to a defining moment - the kind of moment where you can see the wheels turning in someones head. It is a moment that impacts them more then they realize.

Yesterday, after teaching a class at the gym, I went into the locker room to change clothes. There was a young girl with her mother changing as well. I don't think the mom really noticed just how much her little girl watched her, but it changed the girls perception right before my eyes. The mom was noticing her "flaws" in the mirror - as we all do, but her daughter was taking it all in. After the woman finished getting dressed, I watched the daughter walk over to the mirror, look over at her mom and then look at herself with disappointment.

Sometimes we think its just the negative self talk that our daughters hear, but even more powerful than words are our actions.

You are the best role model for your daughter, and even if you don't verbalize your insecurities about yourself and your body (I know we all have them) there are other ways they can seep into our daughters lives.

Make a point to celebrate your body, and remember they are ALWAYS watching us. Setting an example of confidence is a 24/7 job!

GirlSpire Book at Barnes & Noble

Just a quick note to let you know after 10 months of work, GirlSpire is now available on www.bn.com!

Please feel free to check it out, and I would love to hear your thoughts :)

The book is Now on BN.com!
http://productsearch.barnesandnoble.com/search/results.aspx?WRD=girlspire&page=index&prod=univ&choice=allproducts&query=girlspire&flag=False&ugrp=2

9 yr old throws holiday party! Are you crazy?

If you're looking to do something unique and fun with your girls this holiday, have them design, host and plan their very first holiday gathering. Give them a budget!

By doing this, not only will your girls feel independent, but they will also learn some valuable lessons in a fun way:

Time management: Planning an event can be stressful when you start to plan activities, coordinate friends, and find venues etc. This is a great opportunity for your daughter to learn this skill- in a fun way and what seems like on her own terms!

Money management: Giving her a budget teaches her how to manage money and also gives her the freedom to be creative and learn boundaries. Give her cash and let her know that's the budget she has, so use it wisely!

Creativity: This is a great way to get the creative juices flowing! She can plan what kind of holiday theme she wants. And most likely she will pull in her closest buds to help.

Leadership and team building: In planning a party, we always seek out our closest friends and contacts for help. This is a great opportunity for your daughter to do the same! But in doing this she also learns how to LEAD this group... this is priceless!

So do something different this year and give your daughter the gift of confidence, creativity, leadership, time management and money management!

Happy and safe holidays to you all.

What is Inspiration?

I was recently asked a question that got me thinking... What is Inspiration?

Well when you try to break it down, you realize just how big this question is. Scholars, religion, philosophers, parents, kids, teachers, everyone for that matter has a different definition of inspiration depending on what it means to them.

The dictionary defines it as "Stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity." A very interesting but broad interpretation - is that all there is to it?

Why do some become more inspired than others? Why do some act on their inspiration and some don't? Could it be as simple as taking a moment to realize you've been inspired?

Take this situation for example: A few months back I was in line at Starbucks, and in front of me was a gentleman and his wife. He began to order, and at the end of his order he said "And add whatever she is having to my tab as well" he was gesturing to me.

WHAT? That's crazy I thought. Wow! I smiled and was very thankful - it put a smile on my face and brightened my entire day.

I could have just held on to that feeling I had and moved on, but I didn't. The next week I found myself back in Starbucks, but this time I felt inspired... inspired to pass that feeling I had the week before on to someone else hoping it might make them feel the same way. So I proceeded to order and at the end of my order I said "And I'll pay for whatever she is having" and I gestured to the woman behind me.

Her face lit up and she smiled. Was she inspired, will she pass it on? I don't know, but at least I was able to stop and recognize an inspiring situation and ACT on it. If I had been too consumed with other things in my life like work, school, etc and not been in the "Starbucks moment" the week before would I have had the same experience?

Maybe not.

So to answer the question What is Inspiration? Well to me it is the ability to recognize it in all things, take it in, act on it, and try to inspire others to do the same. I guess there is no hard definition to inspiration because it lies in the eyes of the beholder. But only if your eyes are open and you are ready to see it.